Epitaphs for a headstone: how to choose one and what to write, with examples

An epitaph: the final word carved in stone

The word "epitaph" comes from Greek and means an inscription on a tomb. On Georgian graves it usually appears below the first name, surname and dates, sometimes beside a photo ceramic or an engraved portrait. An epitaph can be a single word, a short address to the deceased, a prayer, a line of poetry or two or three sentences written by the family. It is not compulsory: many headstones carry only the name and dates, and that is an entirely dignified choice. An epitaph makes sense when the family genuinely has something to say, not simply because there is empty space on the stone.

Timing: why there is no need to hurry

In Georgia the permanent headstone is usually put up by the first anniversary. There is a practical reason for this too: the soil over a grave settles over time, and the foundation has to rest on stable ground. Until then the grave has a temporary wooden cross or a name plaque. Those months give the family time to think about the epitaph calmly, rather than a few days after the funeral when feelings are still raw. In practice the final text is needed when you order the headstone, that is, several months before the anniversary, because cutting the stone and engraving it take time.

Who makes the decision

An epitaph is the shared voice of the family, and it helps if all the closest relatives take part: the spouse, the children, sometimes brothers and sisters. A practical approach is for each person to write down one or two options, then read them together and pick the one nobody objects to. If the deceased expressed a wish during their lifetime or had a favourite poem, that carries the most weight. To avoid tension, it is best for a single person to confirm the final text with the stonemason once everyone else has agreed.

Short or long

Most headstones carry a short text, one to three lines. A short phrase can be read from further away, fits the stone better and loses less of its meaning over the years. A longer text, say a whole verse of a poem, is possible but needs a large stone or a separate slab, and the letters end up small. Some families take a middle path: a short phrase on the front and a longer text on the back or on a separate plaque. The general rule is that shorter is stronger, provided every word has been chosen with care.

An epitaph for a mother

• "Your warmth lives on in us."
• "For Mum, whose hands kept everyone warm."
• "You taught us how to love. Now that love turns back to you."
• "To a devoted mother and grandmother, from her grateful children."

Epitaphs for a mother often speak of her care, her home and her warmth. If your mother was known for one particular quality - hospitality, strictness, a sense of humour - naming it in a single word makes the text far more personal. Many families in Georgia carve the same thoughts in Georgian, and a Georgian-language version is at least as common here as any other.

An epitaph for a father

• "The pillar of our family and our example."
• "He knew how to live an honest life."
• "Your word is the road we follow."
• "For Dad, who never left us on our own."

Epitaphs for a father most often speak of dignity, hard work and protecting the family. Some relatives mention a profession or a lifelong passion, for example "A doctor who saved many lives", if that was truly the heart of who he was.

For a husband or wife

• "We were together, and together we will be."
• "To my one and only, with a love fifty years long."
• "You were my home."
• "Love is stronger than death."

An epitaph for a spouse is often chosen with the thought that one day the stone will become a double headstone. A phrase such as "Together again" will then sit naturally beside both names.

For a child

Finding words for a child's grave is especially hard, and many parents choose a short text that is almost a whisper.

• "Our light."
• "Forever in our hearts, our little one."
• "You were our greatest happiness."
• "To an angel who came to visit us for a little while."

For a child's memorial families sometimes choose white marble, a small figure or a drawing, and the text follows that gentle mood.

For a grandmother or grandfather

• "For Grandad, whose stories became our childhood."
• "For Granny, whose door was always open to us."
• "Thank you for a long and honourable life."
• "You left your kindness to your children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren."

An epitaph for an older person often expresses gratitude for the years they lived, not only sorrow.

For a young person

The death of a young person always feels unjust, and the epitaph often reflects their energy, their dreams and what they managed to achieve. Some families choose a favourite saying of theirs or a line from a song, if everyone knew it.

• "We can still hear you laughing."
• "You lived a short time, but you gave us so much."
• "Forever twenty-two."
• "From friends who will always come to see you."

Double and family headstones

On a shared headstone for a married couple or several family members, the epitaph should belong to everyone named, not just one person. Often a common phrase is placed in the centre at the bottom, with the names and dates set separately side by side. If one spouse is still living, space is left on the stone for them, and the epitaph is chosen so that it will never need changing. Examples: "Together in life, together in memory", "Fifty-five years under one roof", "To the roots of our family". The design of such a headstone and the layout of the text are covered in detail on our page about the double headstone.

Religious epitaphs

Orthodox families often choose an image of the cross and a short prayer, such as "Lord, grant rest to his soul" or simply "Rest in peace, O Lord". Some choose a line from the Gospels or the Psalms. In that case take the exact wording from the edition of the Bible the family uses, or ask your priest to help you choose, because the wording differs between translations. Families of other faiths - Catholic, Muslim, Jewish - have their own traditional symbols and formulas, and the stonemason will carve any of them as long as you supply the exact text and image.

Non-religious epitaphs

Not every family chooses a religious formula, and a headstone can still be profound and full of respect. A non-religious epitaph more often speaks of the person's life, their values or their love for the family.

• "He lived honestly and loved sincerely."
• "Each of us carries something of him."
• "Where there is love, there is no ending."

Apart from the poetry quoted below, every line in this article was written by us as an example: you are free to use any of them as they are or to rework them into your own version.

Lines from Georgian poetry

Many families turn to classical poetry for an epitaph. The two lines most often chosen come from "The Knight in the Panther's Skin" by Shota Rustaveli:

• "რასაცა გასცემ, შენია, რაც არა, დაკარგულია" (free translation, not the poet's own words: what you give away is yours; what you keep back is lost). It suits a generous, kind-hearted person.
• "სიკვდილი სახელიანი სჯობს სიცოცხლესა ნაზრახსა" (free translation, not the poet's own words: a death with honour is better than a life of shame). It is often carved on the grave of someone who died with dignity.

The English in brackets only conveys the sense; it is not a literary rendering of the original. These lines are normally carved in Georgian script, and you can add a translation beneath them if relatives abroad will visit the grave. If you want a line by another poet, always check the text against a reliable edition: versions passed around from memory often have altered words or forms, and a mistake carved in stone is almost impossible to correct. It is customary to put the poet's name beneath the quotation, which gives the text added dignity.

Text length and the size of the stone

How long an epitaph can be is governed by how big the stone is and what else must fit on it. The front of a headstone usually carries several elements:

On a small upright stone there is often room for only one or two short lines of epitaph, while a wide horizontal or double headstone offers more space. It is best to see the final length on the stonemason's sketch before it is transferred to the stone.

Technical details of engraving

The stonemason sets the letter height to suit the dimensions of the slab and the length of the text: larger for the name, smaller for the epitaph, but always so that someone standing at the grave can read it easily. Letters cut into dark granite are often filled with gold or white paint to boost the contrast. Gold looks ceremonial, white more restrained. On a light stone, by contrast, a dark fill reads better. Over time the paint can fade, and touching it up every few years is normal upkeep. Bear in mind too that the cost of engraving depends on the number of letters: a long epitaph raises the price of the headstone. For details see our page on photo ceramics and engraving.

Granite or marble: what it means for the text

The choice of material directly affects how the epitaph will look. A granite headstone is tough, stands up well to the weather and keeps even fine lettering crisp for years, so it is the safer choice for a long text. A marble headstone looks soft and pale and creates a gentle mood; it is often chosen for the grave of a child or of someone who died young. Marble is softer than granite, so moderate letter sizes and a short text work best on it, so that the outlines do not blur with time.

A final spelling check

A mistake carved into stone is very hard to put right, and fixing it often means replacing the slab. That is why at least two members of the family should check the sketch carefully before engraving begins. Pay special attention to the spelling of the surname, the dates, the quotation marks and commas in any quotation, and make sure the name is written either as in the official documents or as the family has decided. If the epitaph is bilingual, the text in the second language must be checked by someone who speaks it fluently.

Frequently asked questions