Caring for a grave through the seasons: practical tips

A year built around four main visits

Most families do not need to go to the cemetery every week to keep a grave in good order. It is usually enough to divide the year into four main visits, one per season, each with its own job. In spring the priority is clearing up after winter; in summer it is keeping the plants alive through the heat; in autumn it is dealing with fallen leaves and getting ready for the cold; and in winter it is short, careful visits. On top of this basic rhythm come the days of remembrance and the dates that matter to your family. Once you know in advance what each visit is for, looking after the grave takes less time and less energy.

Spring: clearing away the traces of winter

The first spring visit is the hardest work of the whole year. Over the winter a grave collects dry leaves, litter blown in by the wind, broken twigs, the remains of old wreaths and faded ribbons. Start by gathering all of it into a bag and taking it away, then turn to the tiles and the flower bed. Work from the top down, beginning with the headstone and finishing at ground level, so that dirty water does not run onto a spot you have already cleaned. If you left flowerpots or vases out over the winter, check them for cracks and take any damaged ones home, so that no broken pieces are left lying on the grave.

Checking the stone and its base after the frosts

In winter, water that has soaked into the ground freezes and expands, and in spring the soil settles again. This makes spring the best time to look the memorial over carefully. Check whether the upright stone has started to lean, whether a crack has appeared in the stone or its plinth, whether any tile has lifted or sunk, and whether the curb has opened up at the joints. See whether the photograph is still firmly attached. Take a picture of every change on your phone, so that next year you have something to compare against. Do not try to straighten a heavy stone yourself: it is dangerous, and you may only make the damage worse.

Spring planting and getting the soil ready

New plants are best put in once the risk of night frost has passed. Before that, prepare the soil: remove old roots, loosen the top layer and, if needed, add some fresh, fertile earth. Choose plants not just for their looks but for how much sun the grave gets and how often you will realistically be able to water them. If you will rarely visit in summer, it is better to plant fewer, hardier things. Detailed advice and a description of our own service are on the grave flower planting page.

Weeds, before they take hold

Weeds grow fast in spring, but this is also when they are easiest to deal with: the soil is moist and a young plant comes out root and all. Pay particular attention to the joints between the tiles and the strip along the curb. That is where grass establishes itself first, and later it starts lifting the stones. Use strong weedkillers next to stone with great care, or better still, do without them altogether: some leave stains on the stone and damage the plants on the neighbouring grave. Pulling weeds by hand takes longer, but it is safe.

Summer: watering on scorching days

In summer the main concern is water. Water early in the morning or in the evening, once the sun has lost its bite, so that the water sinks into the soil instead of evaporating straight away. Watering less often but thoroughly works better than a little splash every time: deep watering encourages roots to grow downwards. At many cemeteries the nearest tap is a long way from the grave, so bring several full bottles or a watering can with you. A layer of mulch or fine gravel around the base of the plants holds moisture for much longer and cuts down how often you need to water.

Choosing plants that cope with drought

If the grave is on a sunny slope and you seldom manage to visit in summer, some thirsty annual flowers will dry out within a few days. Plants that shrug off heat and drought do better in a spot like that: aromatic herbs, perennial shrubs and low ground-cover plants. A good solution is to cover part of the bed with decorative stone or gravel and keep only a small patch for flowers, which is easy to tend. That way the grave will still look cared for at the end of the summer, even if nobody can get there for two or three weeks.

Artificial flowers and the sun

Plastic and fabric flowers are often seen as the easy answer, since they never need watering. Yet the summer sun changes them too: within a few months the colour fades, the material turns brittle, the petals snap, and the wind scatters the pieces over the neighbouring graves. A bleached artificial bouquet makes a grave look more neglected than having no flowers at all. So replace artificial flowers at least once a season, and take the old ones away and put them in a bin. Many families prefer one or two good-quality arrangements to a lot of cheap ones that spoil quickly.

Looking after yourself in the heat

In a Tbilisi summer there is often little shade in the cemetery, and by midday dark stone and concrete tiles get very hot. Plan any physical work for the morning or evening, and bring drinking water, a hat and sunscreen. Do not let older members of the family go alone on a hot day, especially to a steep slope where it is easy to lose your footing. Two short visits are better than one long one. Caring for a grave should not turn into an ordeal that relatives get through at the cost of their own health.

Autumn: leaves and damp

In autumn the main visitor is falling leaves. Wet leaves piling up on a grave hold moisture against the stone, rot, and leave dark marks on pale surfaces, especially marble. Clear them regularly, before they pack down into a dense mat. Notice where rainwater collects: the corners of the tiling, the inside edge of the curb, the foot of the vases. If water stands there for several days, in winter it will turn to ice and damage the stone. Autumn, before the frosts arrive, is the most sensible time to repair broken or sunken tiles.

Getting ready for winter

Before the first frosts, cut back the dead stems of perennials and cover the area around their roots with mulch or a thin layer of leaves, so that the cold does less damage. Pots and earthenware that hold standing water often crack in winter, so either take them home or turn them upside down. Empty the water out of the vases. If there is a bench or a small table at the grave, check the fixings. A few minutes of work now will spare you a lot of repairs and unnecessary costs in spring.

Before the days of remembrance

On the days when the dead are remembered, cemeteries are crowded, the roads are jammed and parking can be difficult. That is why many families tidy the grave a few days beforehand, and on the day itself come only with flowers and a candle, to pray. The day of remembrance then passes calmly, without extra fuss or the worry of not getting everything done. If you set out food at the graveside on that day, think ahead about where to put the dishes and how you will carry away what is left, so that the grave and everything around it stays clean.

Winter: snow and ice

A winter visit should be short and careful. Brush snow off the headstone with a soft brush or a gloved hand, and clear the tiles with a plastic shovel. Do not try to chip away ice with anything metal: it is easy to scratch the stone, knock off an edge or damage gilded lettering. The ice will melt by itself, and for the stone that is far safer than any forceful approach. Walk carefully on slopes, wear shoes with a good grip, and if the paths are icy, put the visit off if you can.

Salt and stone do not mix

In town, ice is often tackled with salt, but on a grave that is a bad idea. Salty water seeps into the pores of the stone, crystallises inside and slowly breaks down the surface: you get a white bloom, flaking and stains, especially on marble and concrete tiles. Salt also gets into the soil and kills whatever is planted there. If the path is genuinely dangerous to walk on, scatter sand or fine gravel for grip instead - neither harms the stone, and both are easy to sweep away in spring.

A candle in wind and frost

Lighting a candle at a grave is especially hard in winter: the wind blows it out and the cold quickly stiffens the wax. Use a candle inside a glass or metal lantern, which shields the flame and stops wax dripping onto the stone. Never stand a candle directly on the headstone or the tiles: melted wax leaves a mark that is a real nuisance to remove later. Keep the flame well away from dry wreaths, ribbons and artificial flowers. If you cannot stay, put the candle out before you leave, or make sure it is burning safely inside a closed lantern.

A kit to keep in your bag

• work gloves, ideally two pairs;
• a soft brush and a sponge for the stone, plus a stiff broom kept separately for the tiles;
• several bottles of water or a watering can, and a small bucket;
• a neutral, unscented soap - a few drops are enough;
• secateurs, a small trowel and a hand rake;
• strong rubbish bags, so you can take everything away with you;
• a dry cloth, a kneeling pad and a lantern for the candle.

This kit can live permanently in the boot of the car, so you do not have to put it together from scratch each time.

How often to visit

A good guideline is one visit a season, plus the days of remembrance, the birthday and the anniversary of the death. If the grave has living flowers, you will need to come more often in summer, at least once every week or two, or the plants will only survive a rainy summer. If the family lives in another city or abroad, it is better to lay out the grave so that it does not need frequent attention: gravel, an evergreen shrub, solid tiling. What matters is not the number of visits but their regularity, so that problems stay small.

When it is better to ask for help

Some jobs are beyond a family's strength or call for specialist skills: straightening a leaning memorial, relaying sunken tiles, polishing the stone, sealing marble, refreshing the colour of the lettering. Help also makes sense when relatives find it physically hard to climb the slope, or when they live far from the city. In that case regular care visits can be carried out on the family's behalf, with a photo report. You can read more on the grave care page, and repairs to tiles and curbs are covered on the grave tiles and curbs page.

Frequently asked questions