Organising the first anniversary of a death - panikhida, blessing of the new headstone and memorial meal

Anniversary customs: a day of remembrance

Traditionally, on the anniversary morning the family attends the liturgy, where the name of the deceased is remembered. A panikhida, the Orthodox memorial service, is then held at the cemetery; candles are lit and flowers laid at the grave, and afterwards the guests move on to the memorial meal. If a new headstone has been put up, the priest blesses it. After the first anniversary many families hold a small family remembrance every year, and some keep up the large gathering for later anniversaries too.

A headstone in time for the anniversary

The anniversary is the most natural moment to install a headstone: by then the ground has settled, so the monument stands on a stable foundation. Making it takes time, though, which is why we advise placing the order three to four months before the date. The schedule looks like this:

1. Four months ahead: measuring up, choosing the stone, a design sketch and retouching the photo.
2. Three months ahead: approving the design and signing the contract; work begins in the workshop.
3. One month ahead: pouring the foundation, laying the tiles and curb.
4. One to two weeks ahead: installing the headstone and railing, cleaning up the grave.
5. On the anniversary itself: the blessing of the headstone and the panikhida, and the family sees the finished grave.

If the anniversary falls in winter, when concrete work at cemeteries is suspended, the stone is carved and finished in the workshop, then set in place once the first warm week arrives. In that case we tidy and decorate the grave temporarily for the anniversary, and the family holds the blessing of the headstone in spring as a separate small ceremony.

Part of the arrangements

• Church: booking the liturgy and panikhida, and inviting the priest to the cemetery and to bless the headstone.
• Grave: cleaning, planting or decorating with flowers, a new wreath, washing the headstone and, where needed, renewing the colour of the inscription.
• At the cemetery: a canopy and chairs, a small table after the panikhida, candles.
• Memorial meal: finding and reserving a restaurant, agreeing the menu, a tamada (toastmaster) if the family would like one, or a meal at home with ready-made dishes.
• Guests: a coach if the cemetery is far away, and the wording of an invitation that the family sends out to relatives.

Prices

There is no separate charge for coordination. How much to give the church and how to thank the tamada is entirely the family's decision.

Blessing the headstone: what happens

The blessing of a new headstone is a short but meaningful rite. After the panikhida the priest sprinkles the headstone with holy water and reads a prayer while the family stands around the grave holding candles. If the headstone bears a portrait, it is often covered with a white cloth before the ceremony, and the eldest member of the family removes it. We provide the cloth, a vessel for the holy water and the candles, and just before the ceremony the team gives the headstone a final wipe so that it looks immaculate.

Differences from the 40th-day memorial

The anniversary table is a little less austere than the one on the 40th day (ormotsi). After a year the family more often recalls the bright moments of their loved one's life, and stories are told at the table, sometimes even with a smile. The tamada still opens with a toast to the departed, but later toasts are raised to the family, the children and the grandchildren. The number of guests is usually about the same as on the 40th day, between twenty and sixty, and many families pick a restaurant close to the cemetery so that older guests do not have far to travel.

Menu for the memorial table

The anniversary table features traditional Georgian memorial dishes: kharcho or chikhirtma soup, boiled or roast meat, pkhali, lobio, aubergines with walnuts, bread and wine, and for dessert often shilaplavi (sweet rice with raisins) or pelamushi (a grape-juice pudding). If the anniversary falls during a fast, the menu is Lenten: fish, mushrooms and vegetable dishes take the place of meat. Our partner restaurants know this traditional menu well, and the family can also add their loved one's favourite dish, which makes the table especially personal.

If the family is spread across countries

In many families not everyone can make it to the anniversary: the children live far away, tickets are expensive, or work will not let them go. For them we can stream the panikhida and the headstone blessing live through a private link, so relatives abroad can watch the ceremony as it happens, or a video recording delivered the same day. And if no one from the family is able to come at all, the team will still put the grave in order, lay flowers, light a candle and send photos or a video.

Remembering a life together

On the anniversary many families remember their loved one's life in a special way. Photographs from different years are set out in the restaurant room or at home, a short photo film sometimes plays on a screen, and at the table relatives share stories that even other family members had never heard. We help gather and print the photos, prepare frames and, if you wish, edit a film that the family can later send to relatives, including those abroad.

An anniversary in the home village

When the person is buried in their home village, the anniversary is often held there, with relatives coming both from the city and from the village. We then organise a coach from Tbilisi, get in touch with the village priest, prepare the grave and, if the family wishes, set up the meal in the yard of the village house, with a marquee, tables and dishes brought from Tbilisi or from the nearest restaurant.

Sample budget for fifty guests

For fifty guests with a regular restaurant menu, typical costs are: the meal about 2,250 GEL, decorating the grave 100, canopy and graveside table 120, coach 180. That adds up to around 2,650 GEL, plus whatever donation to the church the family chooses. If a headstone is being installed for the anniversary as well, it is priced separately and is often paid in advance, in stages.

Later anniversaries

Once the first anniversary has passed, the remembrance usually takes place within the close family circle: a panikhida at the cemetery, flowers and a small meal at home. On this day many families need nothing more than a tidy grave and a priest, and we help with that either as a one-off or as part of a yearly grave care plan, which automatically includes an anniversary visit.

Frequently asked questions