Georgian mourning customs: what the rules are

Church practice and folk custom

Two layers are interwoven in Georgian mourning practice. The first is religious: prayer for the departed, reading of the Psalter, the funeral service, the panikhida (memorial service) and the days of remembrance. The second is folk tradition: wearing black, covering mirrors, letting the beard grow, staying away from celebrations and a host of small prohibitions. Folk customs are sometimes so strong that people take them for requirements of the Church, although the Church never laid down many of them. Knowing this matters, because it leaves the family free to decide what it will observe and what it will not.

Black clothing

Black is the most visible sign of mourning in Georgia. During the days of farewell, family members and close friends dress in black, and after the funeral the nearest relatives, women especially, often wear it for the whole year. In traditional families a widow, or a mother who has lost a child, sometimes stays in black for longer than a year, or for the rest of her life. In other families black is put aside after the fortieth-day memorial. The Church does not require anyone to wear black: it is a folk custom that tells those around what state the family is in.

A black headscarf for women

In many families, close female relatives wear a black headscarf during the farewell and at the funeral, and some keep it on for forty days or longer. In villages this custom is observed more strictly, while in the city it is often limited to the day of the burial. A woman covering her head in church is a separate church rule that has nothing to do with mourning. So a woman in mourning who does not wear a headscarf breaks neither tradition nor faith; she is simply following her own family's habit.

An unshaven beard

In traditional families, men - above all the sons, brothers and father of the departed - stop shaving for a while. For some this lasts forty days, for others until the first anniversary, for others only until the funeral. A grown beard is a sign of grief and of stepping back from the normal course of life. Today many men cannot do this because of work or other circumstances, and families are understanding about it. This is likewise a folk rule rather than a church one, so whether to keep it is each person's own choice.

Covered mirrors

During the days of farewell, mirrors in the house where the body lies are often covered with cloth. There are several explanations for this custom, all of them rooted in folk belief: some say a reflection can lead the soul astray, others that a person in mourning should not be thinking about their appearance. The Church does not require it and gives the custom no religious meaning. If it matters to the older members of the family, observing it harms nobody, and if a family leaves its mirrors uncovered, that is not considered a mistake either.

The night vigil beside the body

The night vigil is one of the oldest Georgian customs: during the nights of farewell the body is never left alone, and relatives, neighbours and friends take turns sitting beside it until morning. It is an expression of loyalty and, at the same time, a support for the family, since those closest to the departed get a chance to rest at least a little. During the vigil people often drink coffee, talk quietly and share memories of the person who has gone. If the body stays at home for several days, a refrigerated coffin keeps it preserved and the night hours pass more peacefully.

Reading the Psalter

By church tradition, the Psalter is read over the body of the departed before burial. This can be done by a member of the clergy, a believing relative or someone the family has specially invited. Reading the Psalter blends naturally with the night vigil and fills the night hours with prayer. In many families the custom has been forgotten, and younger people may never have heard of it. If the family would like the Psalter read beside the coffin, it is worth speaking to the parish priest, who can also help find a reader.

Open doors during the farewell

In Georgian tradition, the door of the house and the courtyard gate stay open during the days of farewell: anyone who knew the departed may come without an invitation to offer condolences. It reflects a particular openness in Georgian society, where grief is not the family's private affair but a pain shared by the whole neighbourhood. In these days neighbours help receive visitors and keep the courtyard in order. How visitors are expected to behave is explained step by step in our funeral etiquette guide.

Photograph, candle and a quiet house

From the days of farewell onwards, many homes set out a photograph of the departed with a black ribbon across one corner, and a candle or oil lamp burns in front of it. The picture often stays in a prominent place until the fortieth-day memorial or the first anniversary. Life in the house is quieter during this period: people avoid loud conversation, laughter and cheerful entertaining. This is not a prohibition but a natural expression of the family's mood, and it eases by itself over time.

Lamenting and weeping

Ritual lamenting was once widespread in Georgia: a loud, often rhythmic keening in which women recounted the virtues of the dead. In some regions the custom survives to this day, though you will rarely hear it in the city. The Church does not forbid people to express grief, but it calls on Christians not to let sorrow turn into despair, since they have the hope of resurrection. Tears are natural and no one should be ashamed of them, just as no one has the right to make a person cry more or less.

Music, television and noise

During the period of mourning many families do not listen to music or watch television, especially entertainment programmes. This rule is kept most strictly until the fortieth day, and in some families until the anniversary. Out of respect, neighbours also try to avoid loud music and celebrations during these days. Nowadays, when news and work information often arrive through the television or the phone, families take a more flexible view: what matters is that no festive atmosphere arises in the house.

Weddings and celebrations in the year of mourning

By tradition, a family in its year of mourning holds no weddings, and marks major occasions such as New Year or birthdays quietly or not at all. If a wedding was planned before the death, it is often postponed or held in a very small circle, without music or a large banquet. In some families this restriction relaxes after the fortieth day. The Church does not forbid a church wedding because of mourning, so the decision rests with the family, after consulting the elders and a priest.

Visiting the grave

In the first weeks of mourning many families go to the cemetery often - some every day, some every Saturday. It is a natural way to keep a bond with the loved one and to live through the grief. Over time the visits become less frequent, and that does not mean the family is forgetting. According to some folk beliefs, visiting the grave too often disturbs the soul, but the Church does not teach this. If anything, priests stress that prayer at the grave is worth more than long weeping.

The first Easter after a loss

The first Easter after a death is emotionally very hard for a family. In many regions relatives and neighbours visit the family during these days, or go to the cemetery together with them, and some families do without a festive table that year. The Church reminds the faithful that Easter is a feast of joy, for the grieving too, because it is precisely Easter that gives hope that death is not the end. So the family need not feel that dyeing eggs red or going to church for the feast means breaking their mourning.

The belongings of the departed

In many families the clothes and personal belongings of the departed are given away after the fortieth day, or later, to relatives, neighbours or people in need, as alms in the person's memory. Some do this sooner; others cannot bring themselves to change anything in the room for years. Neither path is wrong. If you feel the time to give things away has not yet come, wait. If a relative would like to keep a particular item, their wish should be honoured before you begin.

Church or folk custom: a short comparison

Modern families and flexibility

Today many families live in cities, in small flats, with members scattered across different countries, and work does not always allow a year in black or a grown beard. So many of the rules are now kept more symbolically. This is not a lack of respect: mourning lives in the heart, not in the clothes. What matters is that relatives do not judge one another for making different choices. Help with the practical arrangements is described on our funeral arrangement page.

Ending mourning on the first anniversary

In many families the first anniversary marks the formal end of mourning. After it, close relatives put aside their black clothes, men shave, and the family gradually returns to celebrations and ordinary life. This does not mean the grief disappears; it simply takes another form. The anniversary is a kind of boundary line, when the family gathers, remembers the person who has gone and gives one another strength. For planning that day, see our first anniversary memorial page.

Frequently asked questions