Memorial days: the third, ninth and fortieth day and the first anniversary

Meaning of remembrance in Orthodox teaching

According to the teaching of the Church, death does not end a person's existence but marks a passage into another state, and the living can pray for those who have gone before them. Memorial days are an expression of that prayer. Their heart is not the meal or the number of guests: what truly matters is naming the person at the Divine Liturgy, a panikhida (a short memorial service), almsgiving and good deeds done for the sake of the departed. In popular understanding these dates have also become an occasion for the whole family to gather, which is perfectly natural, yet priests often remind their parishioners that sincere prayer is worth far more than a lavishly laid table.

Origins of the third, ninth and fortieth days

These numbers rest on a tradition that goes back to the writings of the Church Fathers and to ancient liturgical practice. According to a widely held teaching, the first forty days are a time of transition for the soul, within which several stages are distinguished. This is not a detailed map to be argued over or speculated about: the Church itself acknowledges that much about the life beyond remains a mystery. The core idea is simple. During this period the prayers of the family are especially welcome, and that is why these dates became established as the Church's days of remembrance.

The third day

The third day is linked with Christ's Resurrection on the third day and is also understood in the name of the Holy Trinity. According to traditional teaching, in the first days the soul still lingers near the places and people it loved, and on the third day it ascends to worship God. In Georgian practice this day most often falls during the farewell to the body or on the burial day itself, so a separate event is rarely held. It is quite enough to give the person's name for commemoration at the Liturgy and to invite a priest to serve a panikhida beside the coffin, either at the family home or in a ceremonial hall.

The ninth day

The ninth day honours the nine ranks of angels: in its prayers the Church asks them to intercede for the departed. According to ancient tradition, from the third to the ninth day the soul is shown the dwellings of paradise, and from the ninth day its path of trials begins. For the family this is the first quiet gathering after the burial: the Liturgy in the morning, then a candle and a panikhida at the grave, and in the evening a modest supper at home with only the closest relatives. As a rule there is no large reception of guests on this day, and nobody expects an invitation.

The fortieth day

In the Bible forty is a number of preparation and testing: Christ's forty-day fast in the desert, Israel's forty years of wandering, and the Ascension of the Lord on the fortieth day after Easter. According to Church teaching, on this day the soul faces the particular judgement, and its state is settled until the Last Judgement. That is why the fortieth-day memorial, called "ormotsi" in Georgian, is considered the most important remembrance of the first year. Most families book a Liturgy at church for this day, ask for a panikhida at the grave and then set a memorial table. The practical side is covered on a separate page: arranging the fortieth-day memorial.

Forty days of prayer in church

For some families individual dates are not enough, and they ask the church to commemorate the name of the departed at every Liturgy throughout the first forty days. This is a long-standing practice, but whether it is possible, and how it is arranged, depends on the particular church. The name is written on a slip of paper in the form given at baptism and handed in when buying candles or when speaking to the priest. If your loved one was not baptised, be sure to discuss church commemoration with a priest: a different rule applies in that case, while personal prayer and almsgiving are always possible.

Counting the days

A common question is which day to start counting from. In widespread church practice the day of death itself counts as the first day, even if the person died late in the evening. For example, if a relative died on a Monday, the third day is Wednesday and the ninth day is Tuesday of the following week. Some families and regions count differently, so if in doubt it is better to ask your parish priest than a neighbour or an internet forum, where contradictory advice is common.

Dates during a fast or a major feast

If a memorial day falls on a weekday in Great Lent, keep in mind that the full Liturgy is not served every day in that period, and commemoration is often moved to the nearest Saturday or Sunday. On major feasts and during the week after Easter the usual form of the panikhida also changes. So do not fix any date without checking the calendar and speaking to the priest. The exact day matters to the family, which is understandable, but the Church is flexible here: priests generally see nothing wrong in moving a commemoration by a day or two.

The first anniversary

The anniversary is the yearly remembrance on the day of death. Christian tradition sometimes calls this day a birthday into eternal life, so it holds not only grief but also hope. For the family the first anniversary becomes a kind of milestone: in many homes it is after this day that close relatives stop wearing black and gradually return to the ordinary rhythm of life. A morning Liturgy, a panikhida at the grave and a memorial meal is the most common order for the day. Organisational matters are covered on our first anniversary memorial page.

Anniversaries in the years that follow

After the first year, remembrance becomes more private and quiet. Many people simply light a candle in church, give the name for the Liturgy and visit the cemetery without a meal, or with a very small table, and that is just as dignified as a large gathering. The Church sets no limit on how many years a family should remember a loved one: some mark the anniversaries of grandparents decades later, telling the grandchildren stories about their ancestors on that day. In this way remembrance becomes a means of passing family memory on.

Four days at a glance

Preparing for a panikhida

A panikhida is a short service held in church, at the graveside or at home. The family agrees the time and place with the priest beforehand, buys candles and, following local custom, places bread, wine or sweets on a table; after the service these are handed out to those present or to people in need. Everyone holds a lit candle during the prayers. The priest will say the name of the departed several times, so give it to him in advance in its baptismal form, especially if the person went by a different name in everyday life.

Visiting the grave on a memorial day

Going to the cemetery on a memorial day is deeply rooted in Georgian tradition. The day before or that morning, relatives tidy the grave, replace wilted flowers and light a candle or an oil lamp. Priests advise that prayer and quiet at the grave are better than pouring out wine and noisy feasting, although a small remembrance by the headstone remains the custom of many families. If you live far away or find it hard to visit regularly, our grave care service can keep the place in order.

Memorial table: the principle of moderation

A memorial table is not a wedding feast or a birthday party. There is no music, toasts are short, and the first is always dedicated to the person who has died. Priests often repeat: fewer dishes and more almsgiving - in other words, give the money saved to someone in need or donate it to the church in the name of the departed. Many families combine the two, setting a modest table and helping someone at the same time. If the memorial day falls during a fast, the food is prepared without meat or dairy as well.

Saturdays of the departed

In the Orthodox week, Saturday is the day for remembering the dead. In addition, several Saturdays in the year are dedicated in particular to all who have died, among them days around the period before Great Lent, the Saturdays of Lent itself, and Trinity, that is, Pentecost. On these Saturdays churches hold a general panikhida, and parishioners write names for commemoration on slips of paper. The exact dates change every year because they depend on the date of Easter, so check the church calendar or ask your priest.

At the cemetery during Easter

In the Easter period, many Georgian families go to the cemetery with eggs dyed red, a sweet Easter bread called paska, and flowers, and greet their loved ones with the words "Christ is risen". The Church sees such a visit as a way of sharing joy with the departed rather than as mourning: in the week after Easter, Easter hymns are sung instead of the usual panikhida. Priests therefore advise avoiding loud lamenting and heavy feasting at the grave during these days, and expressing remembrance through quiet prayer and a candle.

If family members disagree

Quite often the older generation insists on one way of doing things while the younger generation wants another, and a memorial day becomes a source of tension. In that situation it helps to separate church rules from family or local custom. Ask the priest about the first; agree on the second among yourselves, with care for each other's feelings. If it matters to Grandmother that the table is set on the fortieth day exactly, while the children find Saturday easier, a compromise can almost always be found. Arguments are the thing least fitting to the memory of the departed.

Families of other faiths

Other faiths have their own rhythm of remembrance. In many Muslim communities the departed is remembered on the third, seventh and fortieth day and on the anniversary, with prayer and food for guests. In Judaism, burial is followed by seven days of mourning, called shiva, then a thirty-day period, and the anniversary of the death is marked every year with prayer and a candle. Catholics often have a Mass said for the departed, and in the Armenian Apostolic Church the seventh and fortieth days are especially significant. A member of the clergy from each community can explain the details.

Frequently asked questions