Organising the 40th-day memorial in Tbilisi - liturgy, graveside panikhida and memorial meal

Ormotsi, the fortieth day: tradition and meaning

According to Orthodox teaching, for forty days after death the soul travels its own path, and the fortieth day is especially significant for it. So on this day the family orders a liturgy in church, has a panikhida (a short memorial service) served at the cemetery and lays a memorial table. The count starts on the day of death itself, and a priest or our coordinator will help you work out the exact date. By custom, if the 40th day falls on a weekday and guests would struggle to come, the meal is often moved to the nearest weekend, while the liturgy and panikhida stay on the exact day. On this point we suggest asking your spiritual father for guidance.

Included in the arrangements

1. Liturgy in church: the deceased is named in prayer during the morning service, followed by a panikhida. We make the arrangements with the church for you, and the family decides the size of the donation itself.
2. Preparing the grave: the day before, the team tidies the grave, reshapes the mound and lays flowers and a new wreath, so the family arrives at a cared-for resting place.
3. Panikhida at the cemetery: inviting the priest, a canopy and chairs by the grave for older guests, candles and incense.
4. Table at the graveside: the traditional small spread after the panikhida - bread, wine, sweets and Lenten dishes - plus a folding table and tableware.
5. Memorial lunch: in a restaurant or at home, with a Lenten or regular menu and a tamada (the host who guides the toasts at a Georgian table) if the family wishes.
6. Transport: a coach carrying guests between church, cemetery and restaurant, especially useful when the cemetery lies at the far end of Tbilisi.

Prices

Coordination, the arrangements with the church and the restaurant, and confirming guest numbers are all included in the price. The family alone settles the church offering and the tamada's fee.

Expected number of guests

The 40th-day table is usually much smaller than the wake on the day of the funeral: somewhere between twenty and fifty guests. Close relatives, neighbours and good friends come, while colleagues and distant acquaintances who attended the funeral rarely return for the 40th day. This lets the family choose a more intimate format, such as a small room in a restaurant or a table at home. The head count is fixed the day before, and you pay for those who actually attend.

A Lenten or a regular table

If the 40th day falls during a fast, such as Great Lent or the Nativity Fast, or on a Wednesday or Friday, the table is traditionally Lenten: lobio (stewed beans), pkhali (minced greens or beetroot with walnut), aubergines, mushrooms, fish where it is permitted, fruit and sweets. On other days the family chooses a regular menu, but a memorial table is still restrained, without excessive abundance. Our coordinator shows the family the church calendar and a suitable menu in advance, so the choice is the right one.

Inviting the guests

Unlike the funeral, the 40th day is seldom announced through a newspaper notice or a sheet on the building's front door: the family invites guests personally, by phone or by message. That is why people often wonder whom to invite and how. Traditionally, the 40th day brings together all close relatives, the neighbours and friends who helped the family during the funeral, and the priest. We draft a short, courteous invitation for the family with the date, church, cemetery and restaurant, which can be sent to everyone at once through WhatsApp or Viber.

A typical 40th-day morning, hour by hour

1. 09:00: liturgy in church with prayers for the deceased, attended by the family and closest relatives.
2. 10:30: departure for the cemetery, with the coach waiting outside the church.
3. 11:15: panikhida at the grave, which was put in order the day before; the canopy and chairs are already in place.
4. 11:45: a small table at the graveside with bread, wine and sweets.
5. 13:00: memorial lunch in a restaurant or at home, with a toast to the departed.

This is a typical plan, and we work out the details with each family individually: some skip the liturgy and go straight to the cemetery, while others hold the meal in the evening.

If the cemetery is far away

When the person is buried in a village or another town, the 40th day spans two places. Some families take all the guests by coach to the village cemetery and lay the table there, while others hold the panikhida in the village with the closest relatives and host the memorial lunch in Tbilisi for friends from the city. We plan either way: transport, arrangements with the village priest, and the table wherever the family decides.

Sample budget

For thirty guests with a Lenten menu in a restaurant, typical 40th-day costs look roughly like this: lunch 1,050 GEL, graveside table 120, grave preparation 60, coach 180. That comes to about 1,410 GEL, plus the donation to the church. For fifty guests with a regular menu, the lunch alone rises to 2,250 GEL. To keep the budget down, families often choose a table at home, where ready-made dishes start at 30 GEL per guest.

Hosting the 40th-day table at home

Many families, especially in neighbourhoods with a strong courtyard tradition, lay the 40th-day table at home or in the courtyard. In that case we bring ready-made dishes, tables, chairs, tableware and, if needed, serving staff, plus a marquee for the courtyard. Often female relatives and neighbours cook some of the dishes themselves and we bring the rest, and then we plan the menu so that everything complements each other.

Getting the grave ready for the 40th day

By the 40th day a grave often looks rather forlorn: the mound has sunk, the wreaths have dried out and the ribbons are spoiled by rain. For the family it matters that the grave is in good order on the morning of that day. The team comes the day before, tops up and reshapes the mound, removes the old wreaths, keeps the ribbons aside for the family, straightens the cross and lays fresh flowers.

When the family is still exhausted

Emotionally, the fortieth day is one of the hardest times: during the funeral the family kept going on sheer strength, and now the tiredness and the sense of loss come through in full. That is why many families hand the whole 40th-day organisation over to us. We call the restaurant, arrange things with the priest, prepare the grave and the guest list, and the family simply approves the final plan, so that on the day itself they can think about the person they have lost and about one another.

Frequently asked questions